The Caliph speaks / By Myra Abdallah (NOWMEDIA)

In the name of His Highness

“A Caliphate that pleases God is better than freedom that gratifies the West.”

Issued on June 29, 2014 A.C.| The first day of Ramadan 1435 A.H.

Dear citizens of the “Holy” Islamic State,

In the name of His Highness, I would like to announce that the time of blasphemy is over. After the establishment of the new “caliphate”  and designating a “caliph” to rule the Islamic State, we have appointed Prince Abdel Salam al-Ordoni as the leader of Lebanon.

The Lebanese people are known for their relatively open-minded and liberal lifestyle. Unfortunately, with the Islamic state, this will not be possible. Below you will find the new instructions that you will need to follow from now on:

The name: Your name, as it appears on your ID – first name, last name – will no longer be applicable. Names should not be shorter than 50 characters (8 names minimum). By definition, your name is another form of a family tree put in to words: “Ibn,” “Bin,” (son of) and “Bint” (daughter of) are necessary in order to identify the clan to which you belong. If you need more information on how to transform your old name to a “Daeshi”(ISIS) name, please search for the hashtag #ismak_fi_zaman_alkhilafat (your name in the Caliphate era) for more examples.

The outfit: Shorts, tight shirts, skirts, short dresses, tank tops/muscle shirts and tight leggings are a fashion promoted by the devil that has its own seductive ways to attract people to its sinful world. Starting today, the only acceptable outfits are outfits that conform to Sharia law: women should cover their whole body (their skin should not be visible to anyone), and men should be dressed in a decent way. Any other types of outfits are the work of the devilish West. This rule was circulated a month ago in a Muslim country, but it was only the beginning. For more examples, please visit #law_daesh_woslit_aalebnen (if Daesh got to Lebanon).

The lifestyle: As of today, you need to forget about pubs, happy hours, tourism, music bands, beaches, and wild parties. You have been living a sinful life, and Lebanon is now part of the Islamic State to save your souls and help you go to heaven after you die. If you don’t respect this rule, the day of your death won’t be as far as you think. We want to establish a State that is not profane or defiled, therefore, Islam will be the only religion practiced in our new state. We don’t care if the Quran calls on us to respect other religions or that it considers killing people as a crime rejected by God. God knows nothing about religion, but we do! God is too easy-going. We would be doing him a favor by tightening the application of the Islamic rule because, apparently, things have gotten out of his hands! If you need any further clarification, we have videos that are published all over the internet that show how we “peacefully” promote Islam for the own good of God’s people; they might be useful. And, by the way, enjoy surfing the Internet and communicating with chatting applications as much as you can for the present time, they will soon be banned.

Signature: In the name of His Highness, Prince of the Islamic State in Lebanon.

You can follow the author on Twitter @myraabdallah https://now.mmedia.me/lb/en/lebanon/553852-in-the-name-of-his-highness