The Kurdistan Region of Iraq (KRI) announced today that after recent territorial and political gains, it is no longer merely semi-autonomous.“After years of struggle toward self-determination, we have finally rid ourselves this awkward semi,” said Nomenclature Minister, Namo Wosha, during a press conference. “We now stand erect in a state of complete autonomy.”Analysts agree that the key to Kurdistan’s full-fledged autonomy lies in its oil wealth. “Some have doubted whether Kurdistan can deliver,” explained expert Sven Leifsen, “but now we can see the region shooting its loads out all over the Mediterranean.”

However, Baghdad has accused Kurdistan of colluding with ISIS militants to destabilize Iraq and create an independent Kurdish state.

Hassan al-Timbouri, an MP from Baghdad said, “This talk of autonomy is utter provocation. We know they’re working with D3ash and now they’re just waving their semi in our face. We won’t stand for it.” Timbouri also complained that Kurdistan had artificially enlarged itself recently, and was bragging about the length of its new border. US embassy spokesperson, Jo Frankle, echoed Timbouri’s sentiment. “The US believes in a unified federal Iraq where all groups and ethnicities can have their own semi. We strongly advise the Kurds to hold on to theirs.”With enlarged borders, swelling pride, and engorged resolve, it appears that Iraq’s Kurds have finally lost their semi for good; one more step in their long hard push for independence.